This image is very difficult to explain because it is a representation of what I think is going on inside my body. Every time I have a migraine I feel as if it is breaking down my body in some weird/ bad way and essentially making me sick. The purple grey color represents the color that invades my muscles and organs. Usually the coloring is more vibrant on a healthy human being, but this is the paranoid part of my that thinks there may be something else wrong other than headaches. This painting also portrays fears I have about my condition. It is uncertain, mysterious, and doesn't give off a feeling of happiness or content. The metallic strip (which is hard to see in this photograph) is representational of the fuzzy lights i was talking about in my previous posts. It is important that i incorporate that aspect in most of my images.

Closer look

This painting is one of my favorites because it is sort of an abstract image of brain nerves- or what we think they look like. I painted mostly in blue and black because those are the colors I think of when I think about migraines and what is going on in my brain. The yellow/orange dots are my ideas of where the problem areas are.

With this painting I was focusing on what I see (when I was describing the "fuzzy lights" in my vision.) It resembles lightning in a way, except it is constantly in motion. The colors are always a whitish grey and since I am trying to stay out of the light, the background is always black. I like this painting a lot. At first I didn't think it was completely finished, but this is a fairly decent representation of what I actually do see. Also, it fades away and comes back, which is why there are more dominant lines, and softer ones.

After the failure with motion, I decided to paint instead. Originally I wanted to present my sound, paintings, and have the objects that instigate the migraines. Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to finalize all of that, but when the time comes I will be posting the finish presentation.

This particular photo is still in the works. I was trying to make an abstract photo about blood, nerves, and muscle. The scale is not very good, I should have painted on a larger canvas. The colors however, I am happy with.

Sound

I have been working with sound as well. I want to create the sounds that I hear when I have migraines. Thus far I haven't been able to create something that sounds exactly like what I actually hear during. Mostly it resembles humming, with static noises and ringing. All of these noises are muffled, so they are unlike normal everyday sounds. I think the sounds connect to the part I was previously talking about with my words getting jumbled up, but in my mind sound correct. It also could be that the sounds I hear in my mind are actually real sounds, but I may just interpret them differently while I have the migraines. I hope to be able to post some of the sounds once I have been able to get them just right. Also, I have been considering having a friend record me when I have migraines, and then maybe I can describe better what they actually sound like (unless my sentences don't make sense!). Anyway, it just goes to show the brain has another mind of its own and it is kind of scary to think about how nerves can take over your body for a period of time and make your senses feel & respond differently than normal.

The Decision

Finally, I decided what I wanted my story to actually be about, MIGRAINES! I suffer from horrible migraines. To someone who doesn't get them, this may seem ridiculous, but it is the worst pain & weirdest feeling I could ever describe. The time it takes from start to finish takes about 4-5 hours out of my day. It begins with a weird light or "fuzzy flashing" (which is what i call it) in my eye. That usually lasts 20-30 minutes. During this time, there is no headache, it is simply the fuzzy flashing, and this is the time when I take my medicine and go to the darkest place in my house possible because light is the worst thing. After the light in my eye stops, there is a period of time (another 30 minutes) where I have difficulty formulating sentences, or saying what I mean. For example, I thought I asked my mom to get me a wet towel for my face, but it came out something like "towel face for my get me." Obviously migraines are triggered by something in the brain and nerves are being interfered with, but it is strange and scary because I don't notice that I say things incorrectly. After that last 30 minutes is when the pain begins. It starts in the back of my eyes, then the sides of my eyes, then the forehead & all surrounding areas. This can last anywhere between 3-4 hours. It is a constant heavy pain, and occasionally I will vomit or get the chills and be shaky. During this time I will be in the darkest room possible still, with a wet towel over my forehead, a pillow over that, and many blankets because I usually get cold. Once the migraine has passed, I will still have a headache for the rest of the day/ sometimes even into the next morning and afternoon. As much as the pain is horrible, it really screws up my day. I have had to miss classes, trips, meals with friends, work, etc. I have done many experiments ordered by doctors, and personal ones as well, and have found out some of the things that trigger the migraines. Unfortunately I still have them so I continue to experiment with different food, smells, and certain lights to see if anything triggers them.

Here are a few things that I definitely cannot have... caffiene, chocolate, coffee, red wine, most sugary food like cookies, cakes, anything like that, florescent lights are horrible, and some artificial sweetener is not good.