These are a few pictures of some of the mandalas I have been creating throughout the semester. I have not yet photographed all of them because my journey is not yet over. I will be exploring this for a while to come.

This is an example (found on google) of what a traditional mandala looks like. They are created for worship, healing, praise, hope, wealth and eternity. I did not create my mandalas based on the religious rituals, but I connected my meditation with this sort of artistic release. Most of the mandalas are very geometric and each line and curve has a specific meaning. It was interesting that most of mine were very organic and curvy, which completely resembles my style.

Continuation to last post

... I noticed that my mandalas were sophisticated from my artistic training, but possessed a childlike quality. Personally, I believe this is a sign of why I started being an artist in the first place. The passion to create beauty, the process of creating art, and loving what I create. Today, a lot of the original reasons people became artists are lost, because of the pressure to be a certain kind of artist. It is preached to us students that we cannot make something because it looks appealing, or it another similar reason, so we no longer explore what originally drove us to Art.

Through these mandalas I was able to tap into that inner artist, where that deep passion and love for creativity comes from that I haven't been able to visit for quite some time.

This process has created an escape for me. A wonderful, beautiful, needed, escape. Since I am still pressured to be conceptual only, I can always count of the meditation and the creation of mandalas to keep me balanced and still be connected with the artist I originally was. It is such a refreshing feeling to know that I still have a love for creativity.

This journey has meant so much to me because it has allowed me to get very personal and very real about what is going on with my art and my life. Just like any of therapy, mandalas are a great way for me to let it all out. I also believe that if you have a passion for something, no matter what it is, meditation will help you relive the journey of how you got to where you are today.

Exploring mandalas

I wanted to focus on something that was personal because a lot of art that we are supposed to do in the A&D program, needs to always be conceptual. Through my first 3 years here, I have been getting frustrated with this mentality that every art piece you have needs be purposeful. I began meditation before bed mostly and got myself into this relaxed state of mind, beyond anything I can explain here. The process consisted of a lot of breathing exercises and relaxing my mind. After I was in this state of mind, I would create mandalas.

Through this experiment I would come up with different artistic motives and ideas that I normally wouldn't have if I were consciously thinking about what i was doing. What i noticed after created several of these, was that no two were alike. The quality of the mandalas were mostly organic, mystical, and childlike. I used a lot of bright colors, interesting line quality, squiggles, and even a form of an alphabet.

Sometimes, I would create the mandalas when I woke up from a dream. These experiments were always more intricate and evoked more of an emotion or a feeling. Most of the time with these, I wouldn't remember creating them because I was in a state of sleep or deep relaxation, but was still able to tap into my creativity and make a special piece.

I learned many things through this process that I want to share with people, especially artists who are told that their work always has to be conceptual and full of complexities.

starting out

At the beginning on the semester I was exploring social behavior and how people act on campus. I began exploring at parties, the diag, and all over campus. I aborted this experiment because the results were not as fascinating as I had originally hoped.

Future Plans

My project is far from over... I thought I would have been able to come up with an amazing final piece by the end of the semester but no way. I have had a lot of suggestions from classmates and my professor about expanding this project to allow people to have a "migraine experience" or as close to one as possible. The idea was to have an actual installation or "cave" that people can walk through an experience what I see, feel and hear. It would be really interesting to have the different stages as i explained earlier in my blog. I would have people walk in to a room or some kind of area with lights and intense flashes (like what i see), then there would be a period of darkness followed by my sound piece with different thoughts of mine, and perhaps even my voice reciting sentences that don't make sense. Making it interactive would be really interesting because i think people would get a better understanding of what it actually feels like- or as close to that feeling as possible.

Texture

I was trying to incorporate texture. Clearly this was a huge FAIL! But anyway, moving on...

This image is very difficult to explain because it is a representation of what I think is going on inside my body. Every time I have a migraine I feel as if it is breaking down my body in some weird/ bad way and essentially making me sick. The purple grey color represents the color that invades my muscles and organs. Usually the coloring is more vibrant on a healthy human being, but this is the paranoid part of my that thinks there may be something else wrong other than headaches. This painting also portrays fears I have about my condition. It is uncertain, mysterious, and doesn't give off a feeling of happiness or content. The metallic strip (which is hard to see in this photograph) is representational of the fuzzy lights i was talking about in my previous posts. It is important that i incorporate that aspect in most of my images.

Closer look

This painting is one of my favorites because it is sort of an abstract image of brain nerves- or what we think they look like. I painted mostly in blue and black because those are the colors I think of when I think about migraines and what is going on in my brain. The yellow/orange dots are my ideas of where the problem areas are.

With this painting I was focusing on what I see (when I was describing the "fuzzy lights" in my vision.) It resembles lightning in a way, except it is constantly in motion. The colors are always a whitish grey and since I am trying to stay out of the light, the background is always black. I like this painting a lot. At first I didn't think it was completely finished, but this is a fairly decent representation of what I actually do see. Also, it fades away and comes back, which is why there are more dominant lines, and softer ones.

After the failure with motion, I decided to paint instead. Originally I wanted to present my sound, paintings, and have the objects that instigate the migraines. Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to finalize all of that, but when the time comes I will be posting the finish presentation.

This particular photo is still in the works. I was trying to make an abstract photo about blood, nerves, and muscle. The scale is not very good, I should have painted on a larger canvas. The colors however, I am happy with.

Sound

I have been working with sound as well. I want to create the sounds that I hear when I have migraines. Thus far I haven't been able to create something that sounds exactly like what I actually hear during. Mostly it resembles humming, with static noises and ringing. All of these noises are muffled, so they are unlike normal everyday sounds. I think the sounds connect to the part I was previously talking about with my words getting jumbled up, but in my mind sound correct. It also could be that the sounds I hear in my mind are actually real sounds, but I may just interpret them differently while I have the migraines. I hope to be able to post some of the sounds once I have been able to get them just right. Also, I have been considering having a friend record me when I have migraines, and then maybe I can describe better what they actually sound like (unless my sentences don't make sense!). Anyway, it just goes to show the brain has another mind of its own and it is kind of scary to think about how nerves can take over your body for a period of time and make your senses feel & respond differently than normal.

The Decision

Finally, I decided what I wanted my story to actually be about, MIGRAINES! I suffer from horrible migraines. To someone who doesn't get them, this may seem ridiculous, but it is the worst pain & weirdest feeling I could ever describe. The time it takes from start to finish takes about 4-5 hours out of my day. It begins with a weird light or "fuzzy flashing" (which is what i call it) in my eye. That usually lasts 20-30 minutes. During this time, there is no headache, it is simply the fuzzy flashing, and this is the time when I take my medicine and go to the darkest place in my house possible because light is the worst thing. After the light in my eye stops, there is a period of time (another 30 minutes) where I have difficulty formulating sentences, or saying what I mean. For example, I thought I asked my mom to get me a wet towel for my face, but it came out something like "towel face for my get me." Obviously migraines are triggered by something in the brain and nerves are being interfered with, but it is strange and scary because I don't notice that I say things incorrectly. After that last 30 minutes is when the pain begins. It starts in the back of my eyes, then the sides of my eyes, then the forehead & all surrounding areas. This can last anywhere between 3-4 hours. It is a constant heavy pain, and occasionally I will vomit or get the chills and be shaky. During this time I will be in the darkest room possible still, with a wet towel over my forehead, a pillow over that, and many blankets because I usually get cold. Once the migraine has passed, I will still have a headache for the rest of the day/ sometimes even into the next morning and afternoon. As much as the pain is horrible, it really screws up my day. I have had to miss classes, trips, meals with friends, work, etc. I have done many experiments ordered by doctors, and personal ones as well, and have found out some of the things that trigger the migraines. Unfortunately I still have them so I continue to experiment with different food, smells, and certain lights to see if anything triggers them.

Here are a few things that I definitely cannot have... caffiene, chocolate, coffee, red wine, most sugary food like cookies, cakes, anything like that, florescent lights are horrible, and some artificial sweetener is not good.

I think I can, I think I can...

Originally I wanted to present my story using the program motion. Going in, i thought I would have been able to learn the program while I create a stunning project. I was very wrong! Motion is a lot more complex than I thought, and it was a horrible idea to try to do what I did. Anyway, the only good part about motion was that I am decent when it comes to putting together the text movements. I like working with words and creating dramatic, fun, interesting ways to view them. Even though motion didn't exactly go according to plan for this particular story, I am very much interested in working with it still so that I can learn all that I need to know in order to be successful.

I was some what disappointed that the program didn't work out for me because I was very eager to try something new. For many of my projects I use the same materials, such as acrylic painting, or wood and plastics for sculptural pieces. I was trying to stay away from those materials as much as possible, but they always seem to creep back in. However, sound has been one of the other experimental components to my story.

The drawing and print that you see here are previous pieces that i worked on. They were inspiring to me and helped me decide where I wanted to take my project next.

beginning stages

At first, I wanted to focus on medical issues, and tell stories of individual health problems by using Motion. I was inspired by previous work I did for a medical imaging class.

interactive piece involving images from cfc throughout the semester 

Black Ink stamps, grey scale markers, and black pen. Images are provided only using letters and words. 

Just for fun- butterfly dot painting